1. Make mother-in-law cracks.

2. Arrange elaborate practical jokes.

3. Never go to the bathroom.

4. Fly into a jealous tizzy on the slightest pretext, but never become violent.

5. Always forget whatever happened last week.

6. Be oblivious to current events.

7. Turn everything into a joke

8. Abhor silence.

9. Always suffer extreme obnoxiousness without complaint.

10. Never explain; always lie or scheme your way out of situations.

11. Sneak into people's rooms and offices.

12. Forget anniversaries.

13. Throw your back.

14. Have amnesia. (Thanks to Steve Covey for this key item.)

15. Consume milk and cookies in the middle of the night.

16. Invite your boss to dinner and have your wife cook.

17. If someone bakes a cake for a party, sneak a piece ahead of time.

18. If you've got nothing better to do, put on a show.